On the receiving end of evil

I always knew that the way she treated me wasn’t right. I never knew there was a name for it. I never knew I wasn’t alone.

It makes my stomach sick and my heart hurt to think of anyone talking to their children the way that she has spoke to me. I’m not human, I’m just a disgrace to the world.

I cannot fathom ever bringing a drop of harm or hurt to my own child.

I will never inflict the pain on him that I have experienced.

I will never make him feel like a burden.

I will never convince him he is hated by all.

I will never allow him to feel worthless.

I will never take my own pain and transfer it to him.

I will never hold him accountable or place blame on him for my choices.

The amount of pain, loneliness, helplessness caused by this narcissistic parent is unbelievable.

I think it’s a bit different when you aren’t on the receiving end. When I’ve shared experiences or examples, I’ve received awe. Disbelief. Sympathy.

But none of that is what I am after, I just want people to know.

I want them to know this is not okay.

I want them to know that this damages people.

I want them to know what it is like.

I want them to tread with compassion toward anyone they might come across with similar experiences.

Through all efforts of my own I have surpassed her clutches. Her words hold no meaning in my life. I am firmly planted in my reality that exists without her.

It’s hard to write someone off forever. You’ll get backlash, there’s always people who are convinced family should always be forgiven and never disowned. The similar quality amongst those people are that they have not experienced the unique situations that lead to permanent no contact.

While I don’t wish the pain of those events on anyone, I do wish people were more educated on the various levels of abuse and how earth shattering it is to live through.

Abuse isn’t always by strike of hand.

A special kind of abuse manipulates you to abusing yourself so they can rise above you. The more they convince you of your worthlessness the more power they feel. The more control they have.

When you cut off control they will stop at nothing to try and get it back. They will attack you, everyone around you, people that you didn’t even know knew you. They spread lies like wildfire. They abuse public safety reporting. They pull at every string to bring you back to their control. Weep at their feet, beg for forgiveness, so they can rub your face in the dirt.

I won’t. I have stood by my decision to accept whatever comes my way by disowning toxicity. I will fight any battle I need to in order to remain free. I will never go back.

I will never allow you to take that control again.

I’m attaching examples of what it is like to be on the receiving end. These are only recent and relevant to the now. People need to know.

You cannot remain silent.

You do not have to shut up and take the abuse.

Speak your truth.

Please note, these are entirely composed of lies. The skew of reality is so beyond twisted she doesn’t even know which way is up anymore.

*I have removed some names or identifiers

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